{"id":70789,"date":"2024-03-19T16:58:21","date_gmt":"2024-03-19T09:58:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alternatech.net\/?p=70789"},"modified":"2024-03-20T12:03:31","modified_gmt":"2024-03-20T05:03:31","slug":"forcing-kids-to-give-hugs-against-their-will-sends-a-very-dangerous-message","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/forcing-kids-to-give-hugs-against-their-will-sends-a-very-dangerous-message\/","title":{"rendered":"Forcing Kids to Give Hugs Against Their Will Sends a Very Dangerous Message"},"content":{"rendered":"

When a child tells you they don\u2019t feel comfortable around someone, pay attention.\n

Forcing Kids to Give Hugs Negates All Our Lessons about Consent & Body Autonomy\n
From the moment our kids can understand us, we start teaching them about consent and body autonomy. We tell them that their bodies are their own. We explain that no one should touch them against their will, especially in certain places or ways that make them uncomfortable.\u00a0\n
Yes, we know these people. We feel safe with them. We feel like our kids are safe with them. So, we never think that something so simple, something that we did a million times as children, could undo so much hard work or send such a dangerous message. Put simply, we don\u2019t think like kids, who are far more capable of seeing hypocrisy than we are as adults.\n
You see it as a familial obligation, but kids see it as something else\n
You see those forced hugs as part of life, as being polite, as just a moment of mild discomfort that\u2019s over before it really even begins. Your child sees it for what it is- an oxymoron, a contradiction in term. To them, you\u2019re saying, \u201cYes, you have autonomy over your body\u2026unless we are at a family function, in which case, your body is free game.\u201d\n
I don\u2019t think I need to spell out why forcing kids to hug family members against their will sends a dangerous message, but just in case, I will. You are telling your child that they do not have autonomy over their body when a family member is involved.\n
How to navigate family functions while respecting your child\n
If your child rejects Aunt open arms, just say, \u201cWe\u2019re teaching her that she has a right to decide what happens to her own body, and that goes for hugs, too. Give her time to get to know you.\u201d It\u2019s that simple.\n
If anyone objects, let them object. Should they roll their eyes or tell you that you\u2019re coddling her, ignore it. If they call you \u201ctoo soft,\u201d respond with a \u201cthanks!\u201d After all, it\u2019s a good thing to be a kind, gentle, and \u201csoft\u201d parent! A moment of mild confrontation with a family member is worth avoiding sending the wrong message to our kids, isn\u2019t it?\n
If you\u2019re really worried about offending anyone, Michigan State University has some fantastic tips to avoid the discomfort. A few examples that are so much better than just forcing kids to give hugs:\n
Talk to your relatives ahead of time. Let them know that your child is going through a shy phase and doesn\u2019t like to give out hugs and you are uncomfortable with forcing them to do so.\n
Talk to your kids regularly about family members that they don\u2019t see often, so they can get more comfortable with the idea of them. Show them pictures. Tell them stories. Set up monthly video chats to give them a chance to bond across the miles.\n
Teach your kids alternatives to hugging, like shaking hands, offering handpicked flowers, or even just waving. Whatever you choose, though, make sure they are comfortable with it.\n
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When a child tells you they don\u2019t feel comfortable around someone, pay attention. Forcing Kids to Give Hugs Negates All Our Lessons about Consent & Body Autonomy From the moment our kids can understand us, we start teaching them about consent and body autonomy. We tell them that their bodies are their own. We explain\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":70792,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Teach your kids alternatives to hugging, like shaking hands, offering handpicked flowers, or even just waving. Whatever you choose...","_seopress_robots_index":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[642],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-70789","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-moral-story"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Forcing-Kids-to-Give-Hugs-Against-Their-Will-Sends-a-Very-Dangerous-Message.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=70789"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70789\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/70792"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=70789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=70789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thefinejournal.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=70789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}